Untitled

I don't want to live my life pleasing everyone around me, but when you find someone special it's hard not to worry about pleasing them.

I have definitely found that someone special. While I am happy with myself and will never change for anyone, I worry everyday that I am going to disappoint this new person in my life. He is perfect in my eyes, everything about him.

I am certainly having one of those moments when my mind is in overdrive and I start to worry about everything. He is laying in bed sleeping, therefore I cannot talk to him about my feelings. It is 2AM and I sit here in a panic state of mind.

Does he truly mean everything he says? Does he really accept me for who I am or does he only see what he wants to see? Those few good things that most people see in a person. Will he eventually try to change me? Does he love me for me or for what he wants me to be?

I can't sleep and tears want to fill my eyes. All I need is reassurance. Why do I do this? I not only feel like I am failing him but I feel like I am failing myself. Going against everything I have said and everything that I honestly believe in. I wish I could save me from myself! Deep down inside I know that I am only driving myself crazy. So, please tell me, why do I do this to myself? Maybe I am just afraid. Afraid of something going right in my life, afraid of something good.

I wish this feeling would just go away! It gets to me slowly and painfully.

Life

We should all live our lives with absolutely no regrets. Like everyone else, there are things in my past that I have and haven't done that I don't like, but I recently have come to figure out I will truly never regret any moment of it. The things that were wrong have only made me stronger and without the wrong I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Sometimes we all need to stop and take a step back. Look at the big picture of our lives, then study the details. It's amazing! Everything you do is a chain reaction and you can even find those links you thought were missing. The ugly will suddenly become beautiful in its own unique way. You will come to be at peace with yourself if you just take the time to observe where your life has taken you.

I still don't completely know who I am as a person or where my life is going to take me but I've figured out that I never will and that's okay. Life is an ever changing journey. So lets go with it and have fun on the way.

Life Is Great!

Well, I lost my job because I called in sick. It was only a temp job, so, who cares? I don't! There are other things out there.

As usual, not all things are going right in my life, but for once I just don't care. I'm happy! Just when I thought I had things figured out and I thought I knew what I wanted to do, someone walks into my life and turns it upside down. Now I don't know if I want to move or not, I don't know what kind of job I want. Hell! I'm confused, but I could not be any happier and more at ease than I am right now.

I don't know what my future holds, but I'm buckled in and ready for the ride! I feel like I've been set free!!!

Love

It is mind blowing when you meet someone and you feel like you have known them your whole life. When you look at them and you just know what they are thinking and feeling. Amazed at every little detail of that person. Connecting on every level. When it feels like it's not just about you and it's not just about him but it's about both of you together as one. How you never question anything because everything just feels right, perfect. When you experience a feeling inside of you like nothing you have ever felt before. Unexplainable.

Just Jump

I think I'm just going to go ahead and jump into this "new life" that I want.

What has been holding me back? Money and people. But you know what, I'm just going to say fuck it and go for it. Everyone knows that if you are waiting for enough money to do something it will never happen. And I'll just run over the people that are standing in my way. It all may sound a little selfish but people do these thing everyday, so why can't I?

I'm going to go ahead and put my house up for sell, get me the apartment I want in the city I want and if someone doesn't like it, then they can just go to hell!!!

It's my life!

Set Me Free

I want to be set free! Cut the strings that have me tied.

I want to be able to do what I want to, when I want to, how I want to. And I want to be able to do it without someone standing in my way or putting their two cents in. I'm not a child and some people can't seem to accept that. Yes, I'm talking about my parents, but not just my parents because there are more people than just them that are attempting to hold me back as if I don't know how to live my life. I know in my heart what is best for me and my children and that is what I'm going to do.

I wish that these people would just let me go! No one is going to stop me from living my life the way I want to, so why try? Everyone would be a lot happier if they would just back off.

Alone

Do you ever feel alone?

I feel alone and I feel like noone notices me. I feel I'm standing in the middle of a crowded street, screaming at the top of my lungs and everyone just walks on by me not even realizing I'm there.

Would someone please see me!?! I'm right here!