Untitled

I don't want to live my life pleasing everyone around me, but when you find someone special it's hard not to worry about pleasing them.

I have definitely found that someone special. While I am happy with myself and will never change for anyone, I worry everyday that I am going to disappoint this new person in my life. He is perfect in my eyes, everything about him.

I am certainly having one of those moments when my mind is in overdrive and I start to worry about everything. He is laying in bed sleeping, therefore I cannot talk to him about my feelings. It is 2AM and I sit here in a panic state of mind.

Does he truly mean everything he says? Does he really accept me for who I am or does he only see what he wants to see? Those few good things that most people see in a person. Will he eventually try to change me? Does he love me for me or for what he wants me to be?

I can't sleep and tears want to fill my eyes. All I need is reassurance. Why do I do this? I not only feel like I am failing him but I feel like I am failing myself. Going against everything I have said and everything that I honestly believe in. I wish I could save me from myself! Deep down inside I know that I am only driving myself crazy. So, please tell me, why do I do this to myself? Maybe I am just afraid. Afraid of something going right in my life, afraid of something good.

I wish this feeling would just go away! It gets to me slowly and painfully.

Life

We should all live our lives with absolutely no regrets. Like everyone else, there are things in my past that I have and haven't done that I don't like, but I recently have come to figure out I will truly never regret any moment of it. The things that were wrong have only made me stronger and without the wrong I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Sometimes we all need to stop and take a step back. Look at the big picture of our lives, then study the details. It's amazing! Everything you do is a chain reaction and you can even find those links you thought were missing. The ugly will suddenly become beautiful in its own unique way. You will come to be at peace with yourself if you just take the time to observe where your life has taken you.

I still don't completely know who I am as a person or where my life is going to take me but I've figured out that I never will and that's okay. Life is an ever changing journey. So lets go with it and have fun on the way.

Life Is Great!

Well, I lost my job because I called in sick. It was only a temp job, so, who cares? I don't! There are other things out there.

As usual, not all things are going right in my life, but for once I just don't care. I'm happy! Just when I thought I had things figured out and I thought I knew what I wanted to do, someone walks into my life and turns it upside down. Now I don't know if I want to move or not, I don't know what kind of job I want. Hell! I'm confused, but I could not be any happier and more at ease than I am right now.

I don't know what my future holds, but I'm buckled in and ready for the ride! I feel like I've been set free!!!

Love

It is mind blowing when you meet someone and you feel like you have known them your whole life. When you look at them and you just know what they are thinking and feeling. Amazed at every little detail of that person. Connecting on every level. When it feels like it's not just about you and it's not just about him but it's about both of you together as one. How you never question anything because everything just feels right, perfect. When you experience a feeling inside of you like nothing you have ever felt before. Unexplainable.