I don't want to live my life pleasing everyone around me, but when you find someone special it's hard not to worry about pleasing them.
I have definitely found that someone special. While I am happy with myself and will never change for anyone, I worry everyday that I am going to disappoint this new person in my life. He is perfect in my eyes, everything about him.
I am certainly having one of those moments when my mind is in overdrive and I start to worry about everything. He is laying in bed sleeping, therefore I cannot talk to him about my feelings. It is 2AM and I sit here in a panic state of mind.
Does he truly mean everything he says? Does he really accept me for who I am or does he only see what he wants to see? Those few good things that most people see in a person. Will he eventually try to change me? Does he love me for me or for what he wants me to be?
I can't sleep and tears want to fill my eyes. All I need is reassurance. Why do I do this? I not only feel like I am failing him but I feel like I am failing myself. Going against everything I have said and everything that I honestly believe in. I wish I could save me from myself! Deep down inside I know that I am only driving myself crazy. So, please tell me, why do I do this to myself? Maybe I am just afraid. Afraid of something going right in my life, afraid of something good.
I wish this feeling would just go away! It gets to me slowly and painfully.
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The first rule to loving anyone else is loving yourself... You have to love yourself the way God loves - unconditionally. That means you can't regret your past and you have to build your own self-esteem for the future. You are smart, beautiful, and a wonderful Mother. You will make a great partner for that special someone. The thing you have to build is faith in yourself and then the courage to trust in your faith. From there you will have faith in him.
ReplyDeleteI love you Butterfly! You ROCK!
JC