Recently I have ran into a string of incidents that should have never happened. Unfortunately these things occur all the time in everyone's life, but it seems like I have been a magnet lately. I'm not going into detail of these events nor will I point fingers to the people that have done them.
If you are an adult, act like one please. The world would be a much nicer place and easier to live in if we could all show a little maturity. Plus we might could all get along. If you have chosen a certain lifestyle you want to live (whether it revolves around religion, sexuality, etc.), I am proud of you and respect you for standing up for your rights and beliefs. We can even be friends, but please respect my choice of lifestyle. If you do not know me, do not criticize me. And finally, if you are trying to run a business or work for a company, please do so in a professional manner.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Chain Reaction
Everything you do or don't do causes a chain reaction.... it has a repercussion. Am I right???
I am not going into the exact point of this blog, because it is late and I am tired, and quite frankly I have been there too many times lately.
But as I said, if you do or don't do something, it causes certain things to happen and change from what you expect as the normal. Right?
So maybe I'm wrong for thinking that a person would recognize these changes, and would stop to think "Why is this happening?". Or maybe it is only when it is too late to do something about it when this person finally realizes what they have done? And, I apologize for putting everything into question form, how many times does it take this person to understand what they are doing over and over?
What do you do when you have told this person multiple times of the blunt point you are trying make and tell them this is the end of it and they tell you to sleep on it for intoxicated reasons? But you wake up the next morning feeling the same damn way as the night before?
And not to apparently mention that this person is hard headed. So when do you give up? When they are so hard headed for them not to give up when you think there is nothing left? Or keep on them that what is wrong is what they "are doing or not doing" is the problem, and they can't accept that there is anything wrong?
As I said before, I'm am so sorry for asking so many questions, but I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. I need help and guidance, feel free for some feedback. Even if I don't like it, I will take it to heart.
I am not going into the exact point of this blog, because it is late and I am tired, and quite frankly I have been there too many times lately.
But as I said, if you do or don't do something, it causes certain things to happen and change from what you expect as the normal. Right?
So maybe I'm wrong for thinking that a person would recognize these changes, and would stop to think "Why is this happening?". Or maybe it is only when it is too late to do something about it when this person finally realizes what they have done? And, I apologize for putting everything into question form, how many times does it take this person to understand what they are doing over and over?
What do you do when you have told this person multiple times of the blunt point you are trying make and tell them this is the end of it and they tell you to sleep on it for intoxicated reasons? But you wake up the next morning feeling the same damn way as the night before?
And not to apparently mention that this person is hard headed. So when do you give up? When they are so hard headed for them not to give up when you think there is nothing left? Or keep on them that what is wrong is what they "are doing or not doing" is the problem, and they can't accept that there is anything wrong?
As I said before, I'm am so sorry for asking so many questions, but I feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. I need help and guidance, feel free for some feedback. Even if I don't like it, I will take it to heart.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Putting It Into Words
When I say "putting it into words", I mean written words, not spoken. I guess this is one of my major down falls, because I can write my feelings so much better than speaking them.
I was told recently to stop writing how I feel and speak it. Easier said than done.
For one thing, when I speak I feel judged. Like I'm setting on the stand in front of a judge, jury, council, and plenty of onlookers. And "in closing" makes me feel pretty damn uncomfortable. I don't feel like I can express my opinion, or how I feel about whatever the subject is.
But when I write, I feel free. Eventhough the computer is probably smarter than I am (like running spell check when I'm through), it cannot criticize me when I am wrong and cannot praise me when I am right. So if what I am feeling about something is wrong (and most of the time I am and know it, but for what ever reason, it is still what I feel, and I feel need to express it). What is so wrong with that?
OK, this is going places I didn't expect. I apologize in advance.
Well this is leading to friends. In the long run I guess my computer is the best friend I have. And believe me, I'm not looking for sympathy. I know what I have to do to change that.
But to the point in hand, my friends consist of first and foremost my mom. As much as I hate her (for being a mom) I love her soooooo much more. But as being a friend? When I look for advice or simply to vent, I am limited to what I can say. After all she IS my mom and will always be motherly. Which I must say I am very thankful for. But still....
Second comes my boyfriend, which at this point is basically my husband, just not on paper. But come on??? When he is what I want to talk about, how does that work? I'm not unhappy, but all couples, especially women, know what I'm talking about.
Other than that, I have my boyfriends dad. I have already been down that road with my ex's mother. We were best friends, since the divorce we have only talked twice. And yet again, you are limited on what you say.
I don't know
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to figure everything out. And unfortunately to me and those who read it, it is how I do it. So far it is not helping me.
I guess I'm just in denial.
I was told recently to stop writing how I feel and speak it. Easier said than done.
For one thing, when I speak I feel judged. Like I'm setting on the stand in front of a judge, jury, council, and plenty of onlookers. And "in closing" makes me feel pretty damn uncomfortable. I don't feel like I can express my opinion, or how I feel about whatever the subject is.
But when I write, I feel free. Eventhough the computer is probably smarter than I am (like running spell check when I'm through), it cannot criticize me when I am wrong and cannot praise me when I am right. So if what I am feeling about something is wrong (and most of the time I am and know it, but for what ever reason, it is still what I feel, and I feel need to express it). What is so wrong with that?
OK, this is going places I didn't expect. I apologize in advance.
Well this is leading to friends. In the long run I guess my computer is the best friend I have. And believe me, I'm not looking for sympathy. I know what I have to do to change that.
But to the point in hand, my friends consist of first and foremost my mom. As much as I hate her (for being a mom) I love her soooooo much more. But as being a friend? When I look for advice or simply to vent, I am limited to what I can say. After all she IS my mom and will always be motherly. Which I must say I am very thankful for. But still....
Second comes my boyfriend, which at this point is basically my husband, just not on paper. But come on??? When he is what I want to talk about, how does that work? I'm not unhappy, but all couples, especially women, know what I'm talking about.
Other than that, I have my boyfriends dad. I have already been down that road with my ex's mother. We were best friends, since the divorce we have only talked twice. And yet again, you are limited on what you say.
I don't know
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to figure everything out. And unfortunately to me and those who read it, it is how I do it. So far it is not helping me.
I guess I'm just in denial.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Update
I know I haven't wrote anything in a long time so, I thought I would give an update. Since the last time I wrote my divorce has been finalized. My life is beginning to have some order to it. We have been moving my boyfriend in and I am finally getting my house organized. I have always been a bit of a pack rat and now I'm clearing it out and am going to have a garage sale. The extra cash is always nice and it is a great way to get rid of a bunch of junk.
On a more stressful note, my daughter has been acting out. I believe it is adjusting to my relationship and having a "new man" in the house. Also her dad has a new girlfriend who has three kids of her own, so I'm sure that is contributing to her attitude. I really feel horrible because I don't know how to help her handle all the changes. All I know to do is be there for her when she needs me. Eventually I know my daughter will come around. She really does likes my boyfriend but I think she is jealous of him.
I'm very happy with my life right now and I love my boyfriend with all my heart. He is so perfect. Ok, I won't get all mushy. That's all for now, ttyl!
On a more stressful note, my daughter has been acting out. I believe it is adjusting to my relationship and having a "new man" in the house. Also her dad has a new girlfriend who has three kids of her own, so I'm sure that is contributing to her attitude. I really feel horrible because I don't know how to help her handle all the changes. All I know to do is be there for her when she needs me. Eventually I know my daughter will come around. She really does likes my boyfriend but I think she is jealous of him.
I'm very happy with my life right now and I love my boyfriend with all my heart. He is so perfect. Ok, I won't get all mushy. That's all for now, ttyl!
Friday, July 27, 2007
Thinking
Where is the off switch to my brain? All I ever do is think. It doesn't matter what I do, there is always a million little thoughts running through my head. I must say that it is rather annoying and troublesome. Often I tend to get stuck on certain thoughts for days. Needless to say this is one of those times.
My current thoughts have been on my life and how it must look to other people. To be honest, I am very happy with where I am. It isn't perfect and it isn't where I always want to be, but I know it will change with time as everything does.
When I put the basics of my life into words, which I assume is how it looks to other people, makes it sound horrible. I'm 24, two kids with two different dads, getting my second divorce, basically living with my boyfriend,and I don't work and don't want to.
Now to put my life into MY words and how I feel about it. I was only 17 when I got pregnant with my first child. At the time, being young, scared and stupid, I felt it was best to get married. It was wrong from the start, never meant to be. Then I get married again and I honestly can't say it was wrong or it wouldn't have lasted 5 years. It ended because he was controlling and I wasn't happy. And after all, you do have to be happy to enjoy life. That is all in the past anyways and I have two beautiful children thanks to all of it. As far as my current life, I don't work because I want to be with my children. I cringe at the thought of having to put them in daycare. Not to mention that it really doesn't pay to work when you have to pay for child care. Basically I do live with my boyfriend, we stay the night with each other every night. Right now we do have separate houses, but I assume that will change in the near future. He is absolutely wonderful. He loves me for me and he loves my children as if they were his own. And as they say, girls fall in love with men like their daddy's. Well, I found him, he is like my dad in so many ways. OK, I'll stop before I get all mushy and sappy about him. But I must say that I do love him with all my heart.
I guess now I should wrap this up with some final words. When it comes down to it, I really don't care what other people think because it is my life and I will live it however I please. We all make mistakes. I love my life and I'm very happy with it. My brain has just been in overdrive and letting it out helps slow it down.
My current thoughts have been on my life and how it must look to other people. To be honest, I am very happy with where I am. It isn't perfect and it isn't where I always want to be, but I know it will change with time as everything does.
When I put the basics of my life into words, which I assume is how it looks to other people, makes it sound horrible. I'm 24, two kids with two different dads, getting my second divorce, basically living with my boyfriend,and I don't work and don't want to.
Now to put my life into MY words and how I feel about it. I was only 17 when I got pregnant with my first child. At the time, being young, scared and stupid, I felt it was best to get married. It was wrong from the start, never meant to be. Then I get married again and I honestly can't say it was wrong or it wouldn't have lasted 5 years. It ended because he was controlling and I wasn't happy. And after all, you do have to be happy to enjoy life. That is all in the past anyways and I have two beautiful children thanks to all of it. As far as my current life, I don't work because I want to be with my children. I cringe at the thought of having to put them in daycare. Not to mention that it really doesn't pay to work when you have to pay for child care. Basically I do live with my boyfriend, we stay the night with each other every night. Right now we do have separate houses, but I assume that will change in the near future. He is absolutely wonderful. He loves me for me and he loves my children as if they were his own. And as they say, girls fall in love with men like their daddy's. Well, I found him, he is like my dad in so many ways. OK, I'll stop before I get all mushy and sappy about him. But I must say that I do love him with all my heart.
I guess now I should wrap this up with some final words. When it comes down to it, I really don't care what other people think because it is my life and I will live it however I please. We all make mistakes. I love my life and I'm very happy with it. My brain has just been in overdrive and letting it out helps slow it down.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Bitchfest
I apologize in advance for this bitchfest I am fixing to have.
First some good news, I finally have a court date for my divorce! The date is set for September 4th. Think about me and celebrate with me that day!
Ok, now on to the bitchfest. Let's start with the soon to be ex. He is such a mother fucking jackass! I had no idea he would be so damn immature about all of this. I wish he would grow up and face his responsibilities. He owes me child support, it looks as though we are fixing to have the house foreclosed on, and damn it, his kids are going to hate him. He refuses to watch them for a few hours if I need a sitter, hell, he won't even call them or answer the damn phone if they call. He didn't bother to see them this past weekend (which was his weekend).
My next issue to bitch about is money. I hate it! Right now beside me sits two bills. One of them is from the electric company, gotta love them! They want their fucking money by the 20th or I'm going to be in the dark. The other one is from the city and they want their fucking money by the 25th or bye bye water. Not to mention that my lawyer is wanting the rest of his money. I could easily keep going on the money issue but I'm not.
Now to vent about whatever is on my mind.
The possible "foreclosing" on my home. I need to start packing, I mean, even if it doesn't get foreclosed on, we agreed to sell. But I have so much shit! I don't even know where to start! And where the hell am I going to move to? I refuse to move in with my parents, after all, I did move out to get away. My boyfriend said me and the kids could move in with him, which I would love to do, but I don't know yet if it would be safe to for the divorce. I will be discussing it with my lawyer.
I feel really really fat. When I look in the mirror all I see is fat. I haven't put on any weight and I know in the past year I have lost a total of 65lbs but I still feel fat. And of course when I get depressed about feeling fat, guess what I do.... that's right, I eat. Stupid isn't it?
I think I have PMS right now. I hope I do anyways. I cannot go through having another kid and I don't think I could go through having another abortion. Say what you will, but I only did it for health reasons.
Ok, I think I'm done bitching for now.
First some good news, I finally have a court date for my divorce! The date is set for September 4th. Think about me and celebrate with me that day!
Ok, now on to the bitchfest. Let's start with the soon to be ex. He is such a mother fucking jackass! I had no idea he would be so damn immature about all of this. I wish he would grow up and face his responsibilities. He owes me child support, it looks as though we are fixing to have the house foreclosed on, and damn it, his kids are going to hate him. He refuses to watch them for a few hours if I need a sitter, hell, he won't even call them or answer the damn phone if they call. He didn't bother to see them this past weekend (which was his weekend).
My next issue to bitch about is money. I hate it! Right now beside me sits two bills. One of them is from the electric company, gotta love them! They want their fucking money by the 20th or I'm going to be in the dark. The other one is from the city and they want their fucking money by the 25th or bye bye water. Not to mention that my lawyer is wanting the rest of his money. I could easily keep going on the money issue but I'm not.
Now to vent about whatever is on my mind.
The possible "foreclosing" on my home. I need to start packing, I mean, even if it doesn't get foreclosed on, we agreed to sell. But I have so much shit! I don't even know where to start! And where the hell am I going to move to? I refuse to move in with my parents, after all, I did move out to get away. My boyfriend said me and the kids could move in with him, which I would love to do, but I don't know yet if it would be safe to for the divorce. I will be discussing it with my lawyer.
I feel really really fat. When I look in the mirror all I see is fat. I haven't put on any weight and I know in the past year I have lost a total of 65lbs but I still feel fat. And of course when I get depressed about feeling fat, guess what I do.... that's right, I eat. Stupid isn't it?
I think I have PMS right now. I hope I do anyways. I cannot go through having another kid and I don't think I could go through having another abortion. Say what you will, but I only did it for health reasons.
Ok, I think I'm done bitching for now.
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